why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
