Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You took a bar mat shot.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
