My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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