I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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