No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
