In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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