ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
