Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
