I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We left an ass print on the piano.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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