Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
