I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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