hell yes lets make some ravioli
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
