Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
