You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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