somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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