I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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