No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
