i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize