I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
