I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
