No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize