Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
