We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
