first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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