At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
