Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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