its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My vagina just recognized that song.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize