Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
