Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
