i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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