We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
