he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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