nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
