I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
