I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My balls are so social today.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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