sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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