Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
