just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
