There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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