i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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