listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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