you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
