Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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