When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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