I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
