why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
