Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
