Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
