I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
