Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
