If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
