I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
