i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
