I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
