Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
