You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
