I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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