Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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