we're chasing vodka with high fives
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
