Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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