epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
