You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
