Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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