if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
