I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
