Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
