btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
