I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
