is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
