You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
